Yes you are special...

Nowadays we chatted for almost 24 hours a day. Kung hindi naman, he always make sure he can drop me SMS as many as he can checking if I already ate my lunch,snack and dinner. Honestly I am getting used to it and I'm quite afraid of losing him. But one thing I learn in love is that when you fall let your heart be happy, and when your in pain thats part of loving someone. It's was 2-3 days ago that he told me that he brought something for me, and its special. I was so stunned coz hindi naman yon sweet nah tao eh though, I really find him so sweet when he wash my clothes an fetch me sa opis and iba pang ka ek ekan sa buhay. He told me when you received it you'll know it. wahahahaah pero sinabi nah niya nah its a chocolate with love :). I received a call around 5 o'clock today from my BF's workmate in RIYADH. He ask me if we can meet in Monumento and my BF beg to meet this guy because of all the things nah pinadala niya kasama nah ang special chocolate ko na pinagyayabang niya. :D.. I am so tired and exhausted kasi nawala ako sa monumento. The guy told me nah sa malapit nah jollibee sa Gotesco but wala siya dun, then I keep asking my tatlong jollibee pala soooo sinuyod ko lahat nang jollibee and sa huling jollibee pa kami nagkita.. I left the office aroung 4:46 pm and it took me 2 hours to see that man. hahay as in... Undertime ako sa office and ask me what's my reason, " Sir my emergency lang po I need to run some errands in Monumento" what a reason. Syet! ganun nah bah siya ka importante at kinakalimutan ko nah ang trabaho ko? hay naku! so yon nagkita nah kami adn mabait naman yong guy sabi pa niya " Ito po padala ni romeo para sa iyo" ang sarap pakinggan nang word nah "romeo" hahahahahahha. I really wanted to seat and talked to him para kamustahin kung ano nah ang pinaggagawa nang ugok nah yon dun (even I know almost everything he does) gusto ko pa rin malaman.. adik lang! but sad to say hindi ko nah naggawa kasi I am thinking nah yong gamit ko ay nasa office pa and yong susi sa house nasa office pa and its getting late... So I grabbed the package and then left the place. Pero hindi na rin ako nakabalik nang office kasi nakakapagod talaga ang biyahe...

I am to excited and almost jumped in the taxi para tingnan kung ano yong sinabi niyang special nah binili pa niya sa special nah store. Chadang!!! My favorite chocolates!!! hahahhhaaha When I see the heart shaped box nah chocolate nawala lahat nang pagod ko... kaya umuwi nah ako agad to say "I love you and thank you" sa kanya. He never stopped surprising me. As in!!! yong mga kapatid niya is really curious about us kasi this week lang din they wonder why he sends money so early kahit hindi pa niya day-off and he left work as early as he can to travel 2 hours just to send the money, wala sila kablo nga para toh maka send siya money sa ako through her sister and as in ura urada dapat mapadala sa ako ang money... hahahahah I was so touched sa effort niya. As in tumatawag pa siya sa office nang patago just to checked how was me. huhuhuhu As in yong fear ko nah mawala siya is abot hanggang langit nah... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! parang walang challenge yong isang taon nah mawawala siya, sobrang easy... * yabang mode* mas simple na kasi this time parang we are growing together. hehehehhe Decided na rin ako nah sabay kami mag new year nah malayo sa family.. kawawa naman kasi siya mag isa lang siya dun kaya uuwi nalang ako nag dec 21-28 para naman by new year magkasama kami kahit sa net lang :)... so mag four months nami sa january... wahehehehehehe 6 months nalang??? shocks its to short... I have my whole life to love him more.... wahehehehehehe... Thanks for doing the best just to let me hold on. Thanks for the smile we've shared even were far apart. Thanks for the endless " I love you" that makes me love you more. and most of all thank you for being who you are even you know we don't have any assurance that we will work out fine. thanks for being my coffee every time I wanted to sleep in the office. Thanks for taking all my stress when you say "I miss you so much". Lahat nah atah nang pasasalamat gusto nang bigasin nang mga labi ko.... :) and I want you to know that I giggle and laugh when you said " love ko honeyko, as in todo2x" hehehehehe.

Thanks for the chocolates again.. I really love it so much.... Ang dami ko nah nakain....:(

Appreciation....

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the first interview, the director did the last interview, made the last decision. The director discovered from the C V that the youth's academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score. The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "none". The director asked, " Was it your father who paid for your school fees?" The youth answered, "My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees. The director asked, " Where did your mother work?" The youth answered, "My mother worked as clothes cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect. The director asked, " Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?" The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me. The director said, "I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.* The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid. The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water. This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future. After finishing the cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother. That night, mother and son talked for a very long time. Next morning, the youth went to the director's office. The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked: " Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?" The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes' The Director asked, " please tell me your feelings." The youth said, Number 1, I know now what is appreciation. Without my mother, there would not the successful me today. Number 2, by working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done. Number 3, I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship. The director said, " This is what I am looking for to be my manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired. Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously. A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement. He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying the kid instead?* You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen T V . But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done. You would have forwarded many mails to many and many of them would have black mailed you too...but try and forward this story to as many as possible...this may change somebody's fate... :) __shared by Malou Peruchu__

When you told me... I love you more...

We are getting used with our routine this time. He will make sure he is online in his CP as much as possible and ako naman super hanap nang way maka online lang sa office (sa bahay naman online ako parati). I already accepted him and welcome loved for both of us. Our relationship is getting stronger as we are counting the days he'll come back home. We are too at ease to talk about anything and everything. His family kept asking what's our relationship all about and we both agree that we will keep the answer as secret. I guess they figure it out, kami naman nag eenjoy lang kaming kulitin silang lahat. They are too excited to know that the answer is "YES".lols Last night when we are chatting, kahit siya naman nag shopping sa isang mall which he will buy something for me, he told me that "I can't ask for any girl in my life, gusto ko ikaw nah" (I love him more when he told me that) waaaaaaaa wendang mode ang babae. I keep asking myself why can he loved me more even he knows everything about my situation? He even told me, "I cant blame you if you can find someone and you'll fall inlove with, malayo ako sa yo and maiitindihan ko" (wahuhuhuhu nakakaloka na yong mga lines niya). His messages gives me enough reason to hold on, and his voice gives me life everyday. He even told me, "I'll be home as early as I can, I will ask for 45 days leave enough to marry you..." napanganga ako... syet nah malagkit!!! paano nah!!! kasalan nah bah ito?NOoooooooooooo matter what I say, I will never say no to his proposal, pero pwede wag naman ganun kaaga... I am too scared of what might happen when I get married and then mawala lang siya because of my imperfections and kakulangan. Though he assured me that he thought about my situation and he is willing to accept it, hindi lang daw niya kaya mawala pa ako sa kanya, but I have my personal dilemmas pa rin. I hope things will continue this way. He even know how much I treasured kung anong meron kami. Ang daming nagtatanong who's the man behind "in a relationship" sa FB but I guess this time hindi ko nah kailangan ang sasabihin nang iba, Ikaw lang tama na. :)

When you told me " I love you" , I love you more to say "I love you too"

I'll be waiting!!!

Where do broken hearts go...

I never expected my friend to pop me up in FB saying " chang brent and I are over". I just said "huh? what happened?", she replied "don't mind asking". I felt that everything in my body intertwined and every pain I have suffered for almost a year ago is coming back reminding me, that a friend is suffering the same pain I have felt when I was lost because of love. I really want to go back to CDO just to see her, hug her, and just be with her even in silence. I know how painful it is to let go of someone so dear, someone who used to be your life, your friend, your partner. Someone who made you believed that everything is worth the risk and everything is not perfect but real. Someone who adores you and assured you that you are pretty in his eyes and no one can changed that. But why? why do people change of heart?, things are running smoothly in quite sometime, I am one of the witness how they grown up as lovers. They even shared the sweetest words that only lovers can endure. They even see the lofty degree of feeling that only a lover can define. But why do lover fall apart? why? why?

My friend told me "nakasabot naku sa imong buot ipasabot, it hurt, very much" hearing those words from her teared my heart again and I remembered how broken I was when I am in her situation. This saying ii so true "It's not the break up that hurts, its letting go". Letting go of all the tender caresses you have showered for each other, the promise of holding on even you don't know what tomorrow would offer, and allowing two minds to have a single thought -its "you and me". *sigh*... We ended our conversation with "just be strong, just keep going" she reply " I will even dili ko kablo aha mag sugod", enough to assure me that she will keep pushing herself to go on and move forward.

We chatted today when I was at work doing nothing. I ask her how was she and she admitted nothing changed, it hurts even more. Then as our conversation is on going we spotted the song where do broken hearts go? what a tremendous question in a situation where she can really relate. But the idea strikes me also, saan nga bah sila pumupunta? I started collecting my thoughts and then I realized broken hearts go to the loving arms of friends and family. They always keep their door open when you knock and says " I am bleeding, mend this broken heart". They can never heal you, but they will help you to appreciate the pain and find reasons to moved on. They never expire, they always care. The other place where broken hearts rest and suspend from everything is when we close our eyes and prepare our self to embrace our faith and say a little prayer.

To my friend, no one says it would be easy but everything has its own purpose. I can never tell what's that purpose might be, neither you. But one day you will know how you've change because of what had happen. We're always here and we will love you always. Remind yourself about that.

its us...

I miss you less when we are like this...

hahahahaha its a funny picture... its miel, me and baby haiiro... first meet up nila (miel & haiiro) hahaahha perti nakung katawa anih... :) another night with myromeo :) with baby haiiro...

unexpected dream...

I am so tired from overtime work dahil sa super lapit nah naming UAT and production this coming November and December. My team is giving our extra effort just to deliver on time, though its just like a normal day to me, OT naman kasi ako parati "The build and runner girl" sabi nga nila, I know my team is counting on me. Just like my normal days I go home late, get my keys and open my little but loving house. I bought a new bed sheet so I render extra mile patience to at least change my beddings. I am too excited to go to sleep kasi naman yon nalang ang regalo ko sa self ko everyday. But before that, I send sms to my BF saying how much i love him and how much I miss him with all the wishes of goodnight. Then its time for me to go to sleep, I don't know why I am being affected with all my dreams pero nakakawindang lang kasi minsan. I dream about my Ex-bf mom, honestly di kami ganun ka close ni ex-mom but we talked naman....The dream goes like this...

" umuwi ako nang CDO for a short vacation, I don't know kung saan ang eksena but me and ex-mom encountered and siya talaga ang unang nakipag usap sa akin. She even ask me hows my life in makati and how's me. I was so touched about the motherly care she showed me and then we had our short chit-chat. In the middle of our conversation she asked apology for what had happen about me and her son. I was stunned and almost cried, bakit siya humingi nang apolgy? I don't even feel sorry about what had happen, maybe it was never meant to be. She even updates me about his son, and even told me that he is in manila to fetch her sister from Europe, then I woke up with a call from taweng then tears filled my eyes. "

I never expected myself or my eyes to respond that way. Maybe my heart says it all, honestly I wanted t talked to him every time I go home in CDO for a short vacation, but its not about getting together with him but I wanted to tell him that I am now doing good and I want to thank him for being a real man when we are together. We have our own individual mistakes but I learn from everything. Sa totoo lang I don't have the guts or even the courage to see him, kaya ko naman puntahan siya sa bahay nila or even sa work niya, I even know asan yong church nila. But hindi ko maggawa because of a lot of things; takot ako baka siya nah mismo ang ayaw akong makita and he will try to avoid me as much as possible,takot din akong may sasabihin siyang masasaktan lang ako, and takot ako sa magiging reaction niya kung makita niya ako. Takot akong masaktan ulit niya, takot nah takot ako dun. I know I much pain I suffered and I thank him for that, kahit naman ganun I appreciate it, I learn how to live when I suffered and die because of love. Cguro takot lang akong masaktan ulit, takot akong masaktan niya ako ulit to be specific. I appreciate the effort of my BF for the extra patience not to hurt me, minsan lang ako ang corny, you can't blame me, my fears is in every corner of my room. haayy naku buhay nga uu, may mga uncontrollable situations nga talaga, but things will be in place, I know... Maybe one day...

on papa's bday...

I am too excited when i booked myself a flight going back to CDO. While looking forward for the said flight things are tough and hard. I need to face all the hard work and overtime just to make it on my flight not to mention that my boss is not allowing me to go home because of our crucial and critical project. But my faith save me again, and I made it to my papa's bday. October 9,2010 is my schedule of departure in manila, my schedule has to be turn up side down just to make it from work and family. I need to work until 3 am and prepare my things for my flight in 8am, I slept for about an hour and then woke up just to be in airport on time. My flight going to CDO is quit good because I spend the whole flight sleeping... hahahhahaha super duper ang pagod ko, hanggang ulo nah... When I arrived in Lumbia airport I need to rush in SM CDO to do my usual grocery- I always make sure I brought everything so that the party for papa will be good as I thought it would be. I called my sister to fetch me at SM because i need a hand for all the groceries I brought and glad my parents together with my spoiled pamangkins fetch me and greeted me with their kisses... October 10,2010 the day we will celebrate papa's bday, and after a long talked and conversation with my sister and mama we decided to celebrate papa's day at the pool. Glad papa agreed with me. It was a nice day and a happy day, I saw how happy papa.,He even mentioned how grateful he was when he saw all of us in his birthday. The party last 2am in the morning and I am sure papa had a happy sleep after that. I also spend quality time with my friends. I know how tired I am of all the things, and hard work I am doing here in manila but the smiles I shared with my family are friends are enough to keep me going. We watch "I DO" which I found it so badoy and corny hahahahaha sorry enchong if I am so honest but thats reality, but I still enjoyed the moment sitting and watching that badoy and corny movie. Wils Bar is the next stop, singing is one of my outlet to let stress get out in my body and chadang ubos lahat nang powers ko. hahahahhahaha... October 12,2010 the day i need to flew back here manila. I woke up around 9 am to eat my breakfast together with my family. it was around 10:30 that me and ailyn need to rush in Greenhills to visit mama(mimi), After that small and silent talk with her, we need to rush to mommy lacson for me to hand my gift but sad to say I never saw her because I thought she has classes to attend, natulog raman diay siya sa iyang long chair... hahahahahahha.... It was a blessing because I need to rush in CTI to have lunch with jv,aisa, and ailyn, after that nice and grateful lunch, I need to be prepared for my flight in going back to a place where my I leave my dreams which I know it will come true. After all the sleepless nights in CDO no one can buy the happiness I felt when I share my life and time with my faith, my family and friends. I will be looking forward for my next trip going home :)

Every pain is real...

“I understand with love comes pain, but why did I have to love so much?”

Just last night miel and I spend time texting each other and we ask each other questions like "what if". "What if his ex-gf will come and beg him to be with her again?", I am too scared of what would be his answer (pero I am still confident that he will choice me...lols),when he told me that " makigbalik akong ex? never!!! wala na koy L sa iya,bahala maghikog siya" that line made me laugh even I am all alone at home. But when he ask me "what if imong ex-makigbalik?", I was stunned about the question and I remember the pain when my recent ex broke up with me. I never expect that question will bounce back to me, when all I know that time is I am too afraid that the Ex-gf of miel will intrude in our relationship ( I will kick her butt if she will attempt to do so). Back to the question "what if imong ex-makigbalik?", I honestly admit I love my ex and every time I remember how much I love him I remember the pain , but miel brought so much meaning to my life. He lift me up in everything I do, and his enough reason why I should stand still. Pero the question is "what if"... I realized that you never stop loving the person but you just accept the fact that every pain is real and every smile is a scar, and I learn to deal with it. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but all I know is that he hurt me so much (my ex) and I keep loving miel each day of my life. Miel is too far of being perfect but his imperfection drives me crazy. I admit I am happy of all the memories I have with my recent ex-bf, but miel and I is starting building our paradise together and I would be happy living in paradise with him.

For all those people who want to see us down, thank you for motivating us to be strong. Again, I don't have any assurance of what tomorrow will bring but miel and I love each other (I know that for sure) and we will give our best shot for this relationship to work-out.

boring hours while I am in major major OT

Wala lang akong maggawa as of now.. I am still waiting sa DBA na ma load yong DB namin. Haaayy okey lang binabayaran naman nila yong pag iinternet ko sa office :). I am a little bet confused this time. Just today I already received an appointment with Chartis HR which is scheduled next week, this is about my absorption. Yesterday when I am checking my emails I received an email from a japan base company offering me a very competitive job. I really like the offer and it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. I will be starting the company as Channel Manager in their 1st branch located here in Makati. They are expanding business thats why my knowledge and competitive skill is appropriate for the job opening (according to them). I am still thinking about all the offers right now and its kinda confusing :(... Chartis is giving me enough opportunity to grow professionally, but I don't want to miss the chance with the other company, If only I could have more me (sounds so greedy lols). Hay naku...bahala na si batman, if its for me its all up to me wahahahaahahha....

On the other hand, miel texted while ago, I hope he wont go home because he misses me.lols wawah ka kasi masyado text niya. I hope he will get used with the pain, I know how hard to it is. He even spend more of his time at the gym and sa work pero he can't deny it he misses home. kawawa naman ang bata. 11 months and 20 more days miel and you'll be home. I just realized that my ex BF are lucky enough to have me on their side when I commit with them. Di gaya ngayon we are too far and wishes to spend more time together, I guess this is life. Maybe everything will be worth the wait :)... I keep loving you more each day. Just hold on, will see each other soon. It gives me enough strength to wait for you every time you send me sms like "Please amping baya always,I Miss you so much, and I love you" .. hehehhehhe

On the 4th day...

"Can miles truly separate you from friends? If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?"
4 days that we're not seeing each other, 4 days that i miss you. But your effort never change. You still woke me up in bed just to say your sweet goodnight (5 hours difference ba naman). You still ask me whats going on, and even 5 hours difference you still know what time should I ate my lunch and dinner because you knew I always missed it. I really loved the way your loving me. I always wanted to say "YES" when you ask me to be your GF but I guess I explained my part.Love is not enough to sustain the relationship, and I thank you for understanding. It's too hard holding a feeling that you always wanted to show, but I guess its for the two us. I am giving you enough time to think things over, you have one year miel to be sure about how you feel. People might say that maybe just maybe you are a rebound boyfriend. It made me think sometime, but how can you be a rebound if I know that I am happier this time. When I was away I bought this new book titled "will marry for food,sex and laundry" some pointers is on the book like "you will never kill a mans pride" or "ipaghugas mo siya nang pinggan wag lang ipaglaba" lols but you proved to me that hindi lahat nang nasa libro tama. When you are by my side you let me feel that your pride is NO longer important it was me that means to you. Laundry is not for women only, it's a task of a real macho. And grocery is not for girls, you can be trusted when you go out and buy things for kitchen nabili mu na lahat may sobra pa sa lista :). hehehheehehehe

I miss you but you don't let me miss you that much (winks)! I will be happy waiting for you. let just stay this way. Let love, patience and respect help us surpass this...

~chang~

It's worth the pain...

"Just when I thought that love could never be a part of me, that's when you came along and showed me happiness!"

That's the best quote I can described when this guy started communicating with me. He used to be my friend 10 years ago(but I guess we never stop being one). Honestly, I recently recover from a very traumatic love experience. My blog knows every thought that I wanted to say. I can't find the right words to explain how painful it is letting go of someone you used to love more than your life. But here I am standing still and brave enough to gain my life. And "yes" without hesitation I already recovered and redeem myself being in hell. And I extend my deepest appreciation to my Gohonzon for being my strength to carry on,to my friends who's been so patient and kind loving me always, my family for always motivating me to aim high, and my self for the courage to move on and keep going. That' was not easy, I know. But today I am giving my self a tap on my shoulder for a well done job (bravo!). The time I started to love my life again and started to build my dream on my own, he found me on the right time.We are too excited to communicate again and update each other of what had happened in 10 long years, when we choice to have our separate lives. We used to tease each other and laugh with our memories together ,wow! we've realized how much we've change since then.We never forgotten each other ( i thought he won't recognize me anymore), but it feels like it was yesterday that he still woke me up in bed just to used my gameboy for him to play. We can still remember how I used to let him cry because I throw the kiddy chair on his arm because I was pissed off by his jokes. We can still remember how his parents loves to see us together because it was I who let their son go to school and study ( I am her terror Girl friend that time), they know i can punch the nose of their son if he misses classes. We still smile every time we remember how he used to draw for me my favorite Ghost fighter character and how he used to be my Dennis with a red rose. He also draw me my huge tweety which I hang on the wall. We laugh our hearts out when we remember how we let other kids go out on our way when we are coming, we are inseparable by that time. But things change and we separate because his family choose to send him to a private secondary school, by then ,my ever beloved closed boy friend is not with me anymore. But 10 long years, and our path had crossed again, we never expected this time to come but here we are smiling again and making out of all the time we've been separated. He updates every detail of his life and I love updating him of what happened to mine. He never changed, he still cares for me, so do I. The friendship still never change and we both know that we love each other. But the feeling change! we are in deep confusion and madness, we just realized that love is visiting us again in a mature way.You all know how happy I am and how miserable I was when me and my recent ex-boyfriend accept love and end it so soon. It feels like, life took the happiness which I built for 22 years on earth.But romeo came and rescue juliet while she was away and started life on her own. Is this what they call destiny? Finding the right man at the right moment of your life.I spent almost 2 weeks with him but it was all worth it. Every minute is smile, very second is memory and every hour is complete fantasy. Today was the day he flew to KSA,Riyadh for work and honestly when its time for us to go our separate ways its too hard for me to say goodbye. He even ask me to just stay and he will be out to say his final words but he never got the chance to do it, thanks he never made it, for sure we will both cry. Seeing him away from me breaks my heart gently, damn it so hard. Today I make sure that things will act as normal, I do the same routine, feel busy at work, go out with a co-worker but I can't deny it I miss him already. When I log out and I stepped my foot on the elevator I remember him, it even made me realized that I'll be missing him since today.Mamiss ko lahat. I will his smile every time will tease each other,, i will miss his hair that I make sabunot when his stubborn, I will miss him and his lalaw pants, I will miss how he washed my clothes in weekend, i will miss his voice which wakes me up every morning, i will miss everything in him.We both wish that we can spend more time with each other, i hope one day we will. Maybe this is the way of how wendy(me) find her peter, same as romeo(him) already found his juliet. I will be seeing you soon, i hope things will never changed. You always told me that you love me and even i don't utter the words, but it shows that I LOVE YOU TOO. SEE yah! I will be waiting, just dont make it too long (o_x).

This is me...

It’s been a while I am spending my life alone but not lonely. Being single is a gift I appreciate; you can do whatever you want, Travel, bar hopping, chit chat all night with friends, stay online all night, you can do whatever you want. But in one point or another I realized being single is tough, especially you are in the stage that friends is spending their time on their other half and family(whether its husband/wife or bf/gf thingy), of course we have our own priorities that’s why I can’t blame them. In my age right now, I sometimes ask myself, why I am still single? Eventually, as I studied life in my own little ways, I find some answer of my simple but yet complicated question (sound so redundant), wag kayo maki alam blog ko toh. As my journey continue, I realized that love is everywhere and love knock me 3 times but I always being shrug off by reality, that “my boy” is too nice or too stupid for me, or maybe “just maybe” the other way around Hahahahhaha. My heartbreaks also lead me to this singleness ever mode of mine. Masyadong maraming sakit nah cguro akong pinagdaan, which gives me enough idea to at least be scared sometimes in dealing with love ( ‘chang, you are not DARNA! Common!’). In my soul searching mode (may ganun!), I am a little positive this time. I will jot down my top list of bumpy and rocky side of me, that made “my boys-ex bf’s” run away from me.

Too Young But Too Old (TYBTO)- People kept telling me that I am still young but I acted and talked like 40 years old ( that’s sucks!). Maybe, trials, hardship mixed with experienced taught me a lot of things ( dinibdib ko ang lahat kaya).And I suffer so much and I always learn from my mistakes, I am not that stupid. 
Solution:
- Find someone who can deal with my insanity, I know his out there.

I am young but I achieved much -People are proud where I am right now. Since, I graduated secondary school I brought name for my school and family. I finish college with flying colors, at the age of 21- I am serving a company as a branch manager, and in the present time, I am enjoying my job while earning a compensation which is enjoyed usually by at least 26- above yrs old professionals. It’s not bad after all (I think), but honestly that made “my man” run away from me because they have this thing called “MALE PRIDE”.

I am not the usual girl- Fine! Fine! Fine! I get it! I am not your sexy booty girl in the street. I don’t have a body guys can be proud of; I don’t have the cutely little pink checks with blush on and make up all over the face or your Christine Reyes look a like that can break your eyes. But boys, I am just me and will always be me, hahahahhhaha I don’t care if you look at me as a girl who can punch guys noses if I want to, and can kick some ass if I am being pissed off by anybody. I don’t hell care if I am not wearing any make-up, that can give me pimples- why bother putting it on my face.

I am Ms. Quality Assurance- for a those “not usual girl” like me, we love this concept. We always want our boy to be “Mr.Good boy”. I know, I know! I am not saying Mr. Perfect dear, we just want guys to show us that we deserve to be inlove and be loved in return. Again, boys! We are not you slutty bitchy baby! We deserve to be respected, to be treated as your precious jewel and to be your good adviser when defects are being detected by our “not usual girl system”.

I am not writing this because I want to blow man away. I don’t want to be single for life- waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh wag naman po sana! I just want to at least recognize that this is me, but I am willing to compromise.  I am not on the thing they called professionally compatible, but I am more on “Masaya ako nah kasama ka” and ang mga nakakalokang linya na “kahit sino ka pa bastat mahal kita” – so cheesy! I don’t care kung may natapos kang bachelors degree sa isang university – anyway hindi naman ako bachelor degree holder,;wala rin akong paki kung hindi ka kasing talino ni Einstein; Hindi ko rin pangrap nah maging singyaman ka ni Bill Gates; hindi ko rin feel ang singbait ka ni “ST. Joseph” and lalong hindi ko ma atim ang makisama sa isang taong sing Yabang ni Carlos Agasi. Simple lang ang gusto ko, taong magmamahal nang tunay at totoo.Lalakiing handing iwan ang mundo maksama lang ako (kahit bah punta kami sa Pluto). Lalaking bubuo nang aking pagkatao. Ayaw ko rin nang magarbo at kung ano2x, gusto ko lang lalaking may puso at minsan maloko.At higit sa lahat lalaking gusto ko at gusto rin niya ako.

Realization...

Recently I am hook with love radio 90.7 here in manila. The segment of papa jack is giving me ideas how to let go of this nakakawendang na emotion.Honestly yong words niya tagos sa puso eh, as far as i know his a professor in UP thats why he got the wits and guts and experience to say all those things. One line strike me to death which made me cry. " Letting go of one person does not mean you lost everything but "maybe" just "maybe" it's a way of finding the better life for you". I find it so good and it made me cry, tama naman cguro siya, we are losers in a way, but we win on the other side. Life is a choice nga daw eka nga. I realized that he is right. Look at me, I let go of the person I used to love more than who I am (which i think mas okey naman to let go) and I gain more than I what I want. Mahirap na kung sa mahirap ang mag moved on, but when things get's better you'll realized nah yong taong nagpa iyak sayo siya ang taong naging dahilan kung bakit mas matatag ka at lumalaban pa. I still cry sometimes but more often I smile and feel thankful nah he made me stronger and he used to brighten my day in sometime of my life. i just need to accept that I was happy when I am with him, though andun pa rin yong "baka one day thing", baka one day eh will be back again. But according kay papa jack normal lang daw yon eventually I'll get tired of holding to "one day" and "what if". Cguro mas okey ako ngayon unlike 3-4 months ago, natutuwa na ako sa improvement ko ngayon maybe I really learn from all the experiences na meron ako. Sana tuloy2x nah ito. Go go go lang daw... :)

Wish list for lifetime

Honestly hindi ako mahilig sa ganito but I want to check kung magagawa ko toh...:)

1. Laptop - lapit na daw toh my sister will send one for me next month

2. moved on- naa nako anih... hehehehehehe

3. blackberry phone- next month na din toh sis will send one for me as bday gift

-wala pa napadala

4. moved on- i think I alread moved on...

5. small business-

-gladwin naka start naku :) 3 months running nah siya :)

6.moved on- i think I alread moved on...

7. new scooter - I really love the scooter sa market2x sana mabili ko yon one day

-hmmmmppp wala pa nih dah

8.moved on- i think I alread moved on...

9. flat screen tv- I really love the flat screen tv na nakita ko sa market I wish I could have one

-wala pa nih

10.moved on- i think I alread moved on...

11. new wardrobe- nagsisimula nah ako... :)

12.moved on- ASAP

13. new glasses- malabo na kasi yong isang glasses ko -

-new lens lang muna sa ngayon. :)

14. travel overseas- sana wish ko talaga toh

15. new guitar- meron na ako nakita but still crush ko palang cya hindi pa cya akin..:)

-hala wala pako kapalit

16. new art materials - so that i could go back sa pag gawa nang mga art2x ko...

-wala pasad nih

17. car - tagala na toh pero wala pa rin long term ko kasi toh

-hheheeh planning after a year guro

18. disney HK- sana naman this year

-sana matuloy

19. Travel out of town with close friends- sana while we are single pa lahat

20. new me - pwede ASAP :)

-done hahahahaha

21. new bf (lols) - hindi ko nagmamadali promise

-miel is here now

22. my own home- sana makabili na ako but bibili nah ako pag nagawa ko nah lahat yong nasa lower numbers. Mas importante yong naka caps huh (check number 21)... hahahahaa

- miel and I is planning for this

23. big time business- oppppsss walang masama sa mangarap

-on day

24. livestock investment- Tagal na rin toh. Pero May oras pa ako.

-

25. bakery- iwan gusto ko lang meron ako nito (mahilig kasing kumain)

26. videoke house business

27. internet cafe

28. Sony camera, yong for beginners muna nang mga photographers...

Hahahahahha wish ko toh.. I will check this blog often para ma check ko kung may imporovement bah... :)

I am happy but ?

Recently I am very much happy. On my second pay day I already bought stuff for my new house which sana maging home ko nah. :) Jill together with Cid is contented of what we had right now. I am also happy attending the June World Peace Gongyo in PCC (saya!) and aside from that my Butsodan is complete nah (as in super duper happy). Complete as in with bell, burner, cup, and my Butsodan. My faith brings me where I am right now and I know it's all worth the money naman nah igagastos ko mahal na mahal ko kasi ang Gohonzon ko. :)...

Recently I am enjoying my busy days here sa work ko. Medyo nakukuha ko nah ang mga pinagsasabi nang mga kasamahan ko which noong una as in super nga2x ako. And I don't think of him often not like before, but I admit he still runs through my mind pero saglit nalang..:) But bakit ganun? Every time I talk to Gohonzon that I will let go of everything lumalabas siya sa panaginip ko. Isip ko bah ang hindi bumibitaw or puso ko ang siyang ayaw? hindi ko kasi ma getch eh, 3 times ko na tong nararanasan. Every time nalang nah sasabihin ko nah I will go on with my life and maybe someone better is more deserving than him, he pops-up on my dreams. Yong una panaginip ko is that he told me he loves me with all his heart and na pressure lang siya sa situation. Sh*t that made me run back to him ( in my dream of course). 2nd time nakipag usap siya sa akin and he told me sorry for everything and he told me that he can't let go of me ( siya bah or ako yong di maka let go?*confused*). 3rd time kahapon lang, while I am so tired galing sa work ko. I told myself na magsisimula ako ulit coz I realized ilang araw nang hindi ko siya naiisip (maybe my work help me to outgrow that scenario), but eventually when I go to sleep siya na naman napanaginipan ko, and the worst is he ask me to marry him and he told me that willing na siyang iwanan lahat nang kung ano man meron siya, and the feeling is sh*t damn it!. I can't get it! andun na yong eagerness eh pero bat ganun? Even in my dreams he bothers me. Masakit na masyado kaya gusto ko lang bitawan. Why is it everything comes back when my heart is ready to move forward? Minamadali ko lang bah ang lahat? Masakit and matagal na rin masyado para mag dwell ako sa past. I just want to start life again like the usual set-up when I am heartbroken. Yong gusto ko mahalin ko nah ulit yong buhay na meron ako. mahal ko naman eh, pero alam kong kulang and I admit he still occupy that space, and I want to take that space back... I am making things more simpler nah this time, I even admit that I have my flaws and I can't change it. I admit that he is happy and I want him to be happy (even I know masakit), I even told myself that everything has its own purpose. I even thank him for everything he have done into my life. I know, I forgive him of everything ( He made me stronger) and my faith taught me how to manage a strong and positive heart kaya nakaya ko. Pero bat ganun? Hindi ko lang kasi ma getch minsan eh, is this what a hanging relationship is? You will spend lifetime just to balance everything. Wala na ako sa buhay niya and tanggap ko yon, but why is it he appears on the uncontrollable situations like dreams. Nga pala, the time nah I decided to come here in manila I make sure nah wala akong nadala nah makakapag papaalala sa akin sa kung anong meron kami (i thought lahat iniwan ko sa box sa CDO) but after 4 months here in manila I realized that sa wallet ko may picture pa kaming dalawa na naiwan (favorite pic namin yong dalawa). Alam ko iniwan ko yon, but when I check my wallet andun pa and I realized kasama ko yong pic na yon sa lahat nang hardship ko here sa manila, and again I can't get it! I don't want to think of it but it bothers me. Bakit ang hirap hirap?? or AKO LANG BAH TALAGA YONG MAHIRAP makaintindi? I am handling the situation more mature right now but iwan, hindi ko alam kung ano pang pwede kung gawin. haaaaaaaaayyyyyy... iwan talaga in as in IWAAAN!!!

Marriage

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.



Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.



She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why?



I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the
chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't
talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what
had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory
answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just
pitied her!



With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.



She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I
had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of
me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a
kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several
weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.



The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.



When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.



In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.



This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.



She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going
crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.



I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to
face the divorce, she said scornfully..



My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we
both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy
in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to
the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in
my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about
the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the
office.



On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.



On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.




On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry
her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.



She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.



Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.



Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day.



But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I
held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy.



I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not
want the divorce anymore.



She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have
a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on
our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.



Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.



At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my
wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and
wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.



That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I
run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.



The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot
give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend
and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a
real happy marriage!



If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.



If you do, you just might save a marriage.





Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they
were to success when they gave up.

Two Choices

What would you do?....you make the choice. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its

dedicated staff, he offered a question:

'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection..

Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'

Then he told the following story:


Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the

plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first!

Run to first!'

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

B y the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third!

Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:

We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.

The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

Tiring day

This day is a very tiring day, I am toxic about all the task,lols but I enjoy it naman. Pero no matter how busy I am, he still lingers in my mind at least hindi na ganun kadalas. Maybe that's really part of moving on (masakit na mahirap). Sa tingin ko naman, sa mahinahon at malumay na paraan I will get used with the pain. I am happy sa bagong buhay na meron ako ngayon, bago lahat, ka trabaho, kausap, kabiroan at kakulitan. Ngunit at some point, namimiss ko pa rin ang barkada. Ang ngiti nila, ang tawa, ang kulitan ang tuksohan ang iyakan at ang pagtatampohan. Lahat nang meron ako ngayon ay di nakaplano, ngunit dahil lamang sa sakit nah di ko nah maikubli, here I am taking chances with life, not with love (wag muna sa ngayon parang awa)... Ngunit kahit pala ganun kasakit ang ating pinagdadaanan wag kang bibitaw,hawak lang kaibigan, hindi sa lahat nang oras tayo ay bigo pagkat kung susumahin natin ang buhay mas marami ang araw nah tag-araw kaysa tag-ulan. Wag mag alala bastat may buhay may pag-asa.

~chang~

my 1st pay day

Sa unang pay day nang lola niyo abah excited ako masyado. Iniisip ko kasi mababayaran ko nah lahat nang utang ko. Majority nabayaran naman pero may naiwan pang iba pero at least alam ko konti nalang. ito pala yong iilan sa nabili ko on my pay day at masaya naman ako nang sobra.

Bagong bag, tumbler and shoes (matagal ko tong hinanap), hahaaaha lahat sila favorite ko as in.

A new piece of jacket na binili ko sa SM bicutan. favorite ko rin toh.

Ito yong pinaka mahirap and pinakamasayang bagay na binili ko sa payday ko as in. MY new butsodan. As in hulugan pa ito pero as in hindi ko talaga ma explain ang happiness ko nang mabili ang masetup ko itong butsodan ko.

New watch mura lang yan kaya wag kayo ma deceived sa mukha niya. mukha lang yang mahal.. hahahahhahahahahha