When you told me... I love you more...

We are getting used with our routine this time. He will make sure he is online in his CP as much as possible and ako naman super hanap nang way maka online lang sa office (sa bahay naman online ako parati). I already accepted him and welcome loved for both of us. Our relationship is getting stronger as we are counting the days he'll come back home. We are too at ease to talk about anything and everything. His family kept asking what's our relationship all about and we both agree that we will keep the answer as secret. I guess they figure it out, kami naman nag eenjoy lang kaming kulitin silang lahat. They are too excited to know that the answer is "YES".lols Last night when we are chatting, kahit siya naman nag shopping sa isang mall which he will buy something for me, he told me that "I can't ask for any girl in my life, gusto ko ikaw nah" (I love him more when he told me that) waaaaaaaa wendang mode ang babae. I keep asking myself why can he loved me more even he knows everything about my situation? He even told me, "I cant blame you if you can find someone and you'll fall inlove with, malayo ako sa yo and maiitindihan ko" (wahuhuhuhu nakakaloka na yong mga lines niya). His messages gives me enough reason to hold on, and his voice gives me life everyday. He even told me, "I'll be home as early as I can, I will ask for 45 days leave enough to marry you..." napanganga ako... syet nah malagkit!!! paano nah!!! kasalan nah bah ito?NOoooooooooooo matter what I say, I will never say no to his proposal, pero pwede wag naman ganun kaaga... I am too scared of what might happen when I get married and then mawala lang siya because of my imperfections and kakulangan. Though he assured me that he thought about my situation and he is willing to accept it, hindi lang daw niya kaya mawala pa ako sa kanya, but I have my personal dilemmas pa rin. I hope things will continue this way. He even know how much I treasured kung anong meron kami. Ang daming nagtatanong who's the man behind "in a relationship" sa FB but I guess this time hindi ko nah kailangan ang sasabihin nang iba, Ikaw lang tama na. :)

When you told me " I love you" , I love you more to say "I love you too"

I'll be waiting!!!

Where do broken hearts go...

I never expected my friend to pop me up in FB saying " chang brent and I are over". I just said "huh? what happened?", she replied "don't mind asking". I felt that everything in my body intertwined and every pain I have suffered for almost a year ago is coming back reminding me, that a friend is suffering the same pain I have felt when I was lost because of love. I really want to go back to CDO just to see her, hug her, and just be with her even in silence. I know how painful it is to let go of someone so dear, someone who used to be your life, your friend, your partner. Someone who made you believed that everything is worth the risk and everything is not perfect but real. Someone who adores you and assured you that you are pretty in his eyes and no one can changed that. But why? why do people change of heart?, things are running smoothly in quite sometime, I am one of the witness how they grown up as lovers. They even shared the sweetest words that only lovers can endure. They even see the lofty degree of feeling that only a lover can define. But why do lover fall apart? why? why?

My friend told me "nakasabot naku sa imong buot ipasabot, it hurt, very much" hearing those words from her teared my heart again and I remembered how broken I was when I am in her situation. This saying ii so true "It's not the break up that hurts, its letting go". Letting go of all the tender caresses you have showered for each other, the promise of holding on even you don't know what tomorrow would offer, and allowing two minds to have a single thought -its "you and me". *sigh*... We ended our conversation with "just be strong, just keep going" she reply " I will even dili ko kablo aha mag sugod", enough to assure me that she will keep pushing herself to go on and move forward.

We chatted today when I was at work doing nothing. I ask her how was she and she admitted nothing changed, it hurts even more. Then as our conversation is on going we spotted the song where do broken hearts go? what a tremendous question in a situation where she can really relate. But the idea strikes me also, saan nga bah sila pumupunta? I started collecting my thoughts and then I realized broken hearts go to the loving arms of friends and family. They always keep their door open when you knock and says " I am bleeding, mend this broken heart". They can never heal you, but they will help you to appreciate the pain and find reasons to moved on. They never expire, they always care. The other place where broken hearts rest and suspend from everything is when we close our eyes and prepare our self to embrace our faith and say a little prayer.

To my friend, no one says it would be easy but everything has its own purpose. I can never tell what's that purpose might be, neither you. But one day you will know how you've change because of what had happen. We're always here and we will love you always. Remind yourself about that.

its us...

I miss you less when we are like this...

hahahahaha its a funny picture... its miel, me and baby haiiro... first meet up nila (miel & haiiro) hahaahha perti nakung katawa anih... :) another night with myromeo :) with baby haiiro...

unexpected dream...

I am so tired from overtime work dahil sa super lapit nah naming UAT and production this coming November and December. My team is giving our extra effort just to deliver on time, though its just like a normal day to me, OT naman kasi ako parati "The build and runner girl" sabi nga nila, I know my team is counting on me. Just like my normal days I go home late, get my keys and open my little but loving house. I bought a new bed sheet so I render extra mile patience to at least change my beddings. I am too excited to go to sleep kasi naman yon nalang ang regalo ko sa self ko everyday. But before that, I send sms to my BF saying how much i love him and how much I miss him with all the wishes of goodnight. Then its time for me to go to sleep, I don't know why I am being affected with all my dreams pero nakakawindang lang kasi minsan. I dream about my Ex-bf mom, honestly di kami ganun ka close ni ex-mom but we talked naman....The dream goes like this...

" umuwi ako nang CDO for a short vacation, I don't know kung saan ang eksena but me and ex-mom encountered and siya talaga ang unang nakipag usap sa akin. She even ask me hows my life in makati and how's me. I was so touched about the motherly care she showed me and then we had our short chit-chat. In the middle of our conversation she asked apology for what had happen about me and her son. I was stunned and almost cried, bakit siya humingi nang apolgy? I don't even feel sorry about what had happen, maybe it was never meant to be. She even updates me about his son, and even told me that he is in manila to fetch her sister from Europe, then I woke up with a call from taweng then tears filled my eyes. "

I never expected myself or my eyes to respond that way. Maybe my heart says it all, honestly I wanted t talked to him every time I go home in CDO for a short vacation, but its not about getting together with him but I wanted to tell him that I am now doing good and I want to thank him for being a real man when we are together. We have our own individual mistakes but I learn from everything. Sa totoo lang I don't have the guts or even the courage to see him, kaya ko naman puntahan siya sa bahay nila or even sa work niya, I even know asan yong church nila. But hindi ko maggawa because of a lot of things; takot ako baka siya nah mismo ang ayaw akong makita and he will try to avoid me as much as possible,takot din akong may sasabihin siyang masasaktan lang ako, and takot ako sa magiging reaction niya kung makita niya ako. Takot akong masaktan ulit niya, takot nah takot ako dun. I know I much pain I suffered and I thank him for that, kahit naman ganun I appreciate it, I learn how to live when I suffered and die because of love. Cguro takot lang akong masaktan ulit, takot akong masaktan niya ako ulit to be specific. I appreciate the effort of my BF for the extra patience not to hurt me, minsan lang ako ang corny, you can't blame me, my fears is in every corner of my room. haayy naku buhay nga uu, may mga uncontrollable situations nga talaga, but things will be in place, I know... Maybe one day...

on papa's bday...

I am too excited when i booked myself a flight going back to CDO. While looking forward for the said flight things are tough and hard. I need to face all the hard work and overtime just to make it on my flight not to mention that my boss is not allowing me to go home because of our crucial and critical project. But my faith save me again, and I made it to my papa's bday. October 9,2010 is my schedule of departure in manila, my schedule has to be turn up side down just to make it from work and family. I need to work until 3 am and prepare my things for my flight in 8am, I slept for about an hour and then woke up just to be in airport on time. My flight going to CDO is quit good because I spend the whole flight sleeping... hahahhahaha super duper ang pagod ko, hanggang ulo nah... When I arrived in Lumbia airport I need to rush in SM CDO to do my usual grocery- I always make sure I brought everything so that the party for papa will be good as I thought it would be. I called my sister to fetch me at SM because i need a hand for all the groceries I brought and glad my parents together with my spoiled pamangkins fetch me and greeted me with their kisses... October 10,2010 the day we will celebrate papa's bday, and after a long talked and conversation with my sister and mama we decided to celebrate papa's day at the pool. Glad papa agreed with me. It was a nice day and a happy day, I saw how happy papa.,He even mentioned how grateful he was when he saw all of us in his birthday. The party last 2am in the morning and I am sure papa had a happy sleep after that. I also spend quality time with my friends. I know how tired I am of all the things, and hard work I am doing here in manila but the smiles I shared with my family are friends are enough to keep me going. We watch "I DO" which I found it so badoy and corny hahahahaha sorry enchong if I am so honest but thats reality, but I still enjoyed the moment sitting and watching that badoy and corny movie. Wils Bar is the next stop, singing is one of my outlet to let stress get out in my body and chadang ubos lahat nang powers ko. hahahahhahaha... October 12,2010 the day i need to flew back here manila. I woke up around 9 am to eat my breakfast together with my family. it was around 10:30 that me and ailyn need to rush in Greenhills to visit mama(mimi), After that small and silent talk with her, we need to rush to mommy lacson for me to hand my gift but sad to say I never saw her because I thought she has classes to attend, natulog raman diay siya sa iyang long chair... hahahahahahha.... It was a blessing because I need to rush in CTI to have lunch with jv,aisa, and ailyn, after that nice and grateful lunch, I need to be prepared for my flight in going back to a place where my I leave my dreams which I know it will come true. After all the sleepless nights in CDO no one can buy the happiness I felt when I share my life and time with my faith, my family and friends. I will be looking forward for my next trip going home :)

Every pain is real...

“I understand with love comes pain, but why did I have to love so much?”

Just last night miel and I spend time texting each other and we ask each other questions like "what if". "What if his ex-gf will come and beg him to be with her again?", I am too scared of what would be his answer (pero I am still confident that he will choice me...lols),when he told me that " makigbalik akong ex? never!!! wala na koy L sa iya,bahala maghikog siya" that line made me laugh even I am all alone at home. But when he ask me "what if imong ex-makigbalik?", I was stunned about the question and I remember the pain when my recent ex broke up with me. I never expect that question will bounce back to me, when all I know that time is I am too afraid that the Ex-gf of miel will intrude in our relationship ( I will kick her butt if she will attempt to do so). Back to the question "what if imong ex-makigbalik?", I honestly admit I love my ex and every time I remember how much I love him I remember the pain , but miel brought so much meaning to my life. He lift me up in everything I do, and his enough reason why I should stand still. Pero the question is "what if"... I realized that you never stop loving the person but you just accept the fact that every pain is real and every smile is a scar, and I learn to deal with it. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but all I know is that he hurt me so much (my ex) and I keep loving miel each day of my life. Miel is too far of being perfect but his imperfection drives me crazy. I admit I am happy of all the memories I have with my recent ex-bf, but miel and I is starting building our paradise together and I would be happy living in paradise with him.

For all those people who want to see us down, thank you for motivating us to be strong. Again, I don't have any assurance of what tomorrow will bring but miel and I love each other (I know that for sure) and we will give our best shot for this relationship to work-out.

boring hours while I am in major major OT

Wala lang akong maggawa as of now.. I am still waiting sa DBA na ma load yong DB namin. Haaayy okey lang binabayaran naman nila yong pag iinternet ko sa office :). I am a little bet confused this time. Just today I already received an appointment with Chartis HR which is scheduled next week, this is about my absorption. Yesterday when I am checking my emails I received an email from a japan base company offering me a very competitive job. I really like the offer and it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. I will be starting the company as Channel Manager in their 1st branch located here in Makati. They are expanding business thats why my knowledge and competitive skill is appropriate for the job opening (according to them). I am still thinking about all the offers right now and its kinda confusing :(... Chartis is giving me enough opportunity to grow professionally, but I don't want to miss the chance with the other company, If only I could have more me (sounds so greedy lols). Hay naku...bahala na si batman, if its for me its all up to me wahahahaahahha....

On the other hand, miel texted while ago, I hope he wont go home because he misses me.lols wawah ka kasi masyado text niya. I hope he will get used with the pain, I know how hard to it is. He even spend more of his time at the gym and sa work pero he can't deny it he misses home. kawawa naman ang bata. 11 months and 20 more days miel and you'll be home. I just realized that my ex BF are lucky enough to have me on their side when I commit with them. Di gaya ngayon we are too far and wishes to spend more time together, I guess this is life. Maybe everything will be worth the wait :)... I keep loving you more each day. Just hold on, will see each other soon. It gives me enough strength to wait for you every time you send me sms like "Please amping baya always,I Miss you so much, and I love you" .. hehehhehhe

On the 4th day...

"Can miles truly separate you from friends? If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?"
4 days that we're not seeing each other, 4 days that i miss you. But your effort never change. You still woke me up in bed just to say your sweet goodnight (5 hours difference ba naman). You still ask me whats going on, and even 5 hours difference you still know what time should I ate my lunch and dinner because you knew I always missed it. I really loved the way your loving me. I always wanted to say "YES" when you ask me to be your GF but I guess I explained my part.Love is not enough to sustain the relationship, and I thank you for understanding. It's too hard holding a feeling that you always wanted to show, but I guess its for the two us. I am giving you enough time to think things over, you have one year miel to be sure about how you feel. People might say that maybe just maybe you are a rebound boyfriend. It made me think sometime, but how can you be a rebound if I know that I am happier this time. When I was away I bought this new book titled "will marry for food,sex and laundry" some pointers is on the book like "you will never kill a mans pride" or "ipaghugas mo siya nang pinggan wag lang ipaglaba" lols but you proved to me that hindi lahat nang nasa libro tama. When you are by my side you let me feel that your pride is NO longer important it was me that means to you. Laundry is not for women only, it's a task of a real macho. And grocery is not for girls, you can be trusted when you go out and buy things for kitchen nabili mu na lahat may sobra pa sa lista :). hehehheehehehe

I miss you but you don't let me miss you that much (winks)! I will be happy waiting for you. let just stay this way. Let love, patience and respect help us surpass this...

~chang~

It's worth the pain...

"Just when I thought that love could never be a part of me, that's when you came along and showed me happiness!"

That's the best quote I can described when this guy started communicating with me. He used to be my friend 10 years ago(but I guess we never stop being one). Honestly, I recently recover from a very traumatic love experience. My blog knows every thought that I wanted to say. I can't find the right words to explain how painful it is letting go of someone you used to love more than your life. But here I am standing still and brave enough to gain my life. And "yes" without hesitation I already recovered and redeem myself being in hell. And I extend my deepest appreciation to my Gohonzon for being my strength to carry on,to my friends who's been so patient and kind loving me always, my family for always motivating me to aim high, and my self for the courage to move on and keep going. That' was not easy, I know. But today I am giving my self a tap on my shoulder for a well done job (bravo!). The time I started to love my life again and started to build my dream on my own, he found me on the right time.We are too excited to communicate again and update each other of what had happened in 10 long years, when we choice to have our separate lives. We used to tease each other and laugh with our memories together ,wow! we've realized how much we've change since then.We never forgotten each other ( i thought he won't recognize me anymore), but it feels like it was yesterday that he still woke me up in bed just to used my gameboy for him to play. We can still remember how I used to let him cry because I throw the kiddy chair on his arm because I was pissed off by his jokes. We can still remember how his parents loves to see us together because it was I who let their son go to school and study ( I am her terror Girl friend that time), they know i can punch the nose of their son if he misses classes. We still smile every time we remember how he used to draw for me my favorite Ghost fighter character and how he used to be my Dennis with a red rose. He also draw me my huge tweety which I hang on the wall. We laugh our hearts out when we remember how we let other kids go out on our way when we are coming, we are inseparable by that time. But things change and we separate because his family choose to send him to a private secondary school, by then ,my ever beloved closed boy friend is not with me anymore. But 10 long years, and our path had crossed again, we never expected this time to come but here we are smiling again and making out of all the time we've been separated. He updates every detail of his life and I love updating him of what happened to mine. He never changed, he still cares for me, so do I. The friendship still never change and we both know that we love each other. But the feeling change! we are in deep confusion and madness, we just realized that love is visiting us again in a mature way.You all know how happy I am and how miserable I was when me and my recent ex-boyfriend accept love and end it so soon. It feels like, life took the happiness which I built for 22 years on earth.But romeo came and rescue juliet while she was away and started life on her own. Is this what they call destiny? Finding the right man at the right moment of your life.I spent almost 2 weeks with him but it was all worth it. Every minute is smile, very second is memory and every hour is complete fantasy. Today was the day he flew to KSA,Riyadh for work and honestly when its time for us to go our separate ways its too hard for me to say goodbye. He even ask me to just stay and he will be out to say his final words but he never got the chance to do it, thanks he never made it, for sure we will both cry. Seeing him away from me breaks my heart gently, damn it so hard. Today I make sure that things will act as normal, I do the same routine, feel busy at work, go out with a co-worker but I can't deny it I miss him already. When I log out and I stepped my foot on the elevator I remember him, it even made me realized that I'll be missing him since today.Mamiss ko lahat. I will his smile every time will tease each other,, i will miss his hair that I make sabunot when his stubborn, I will miss him and his lalaw pants, I will miss how he washed my clothes in weekend, i will miss his voice which wakes me up every morning, i will miss everything in him.We both wish that we can spend more time with each other, i hope one day we will. Maybe this is the way of how wendy(me) find her peter, same as romeo(him) already found his juliet. I will be seeing you soon, i hope things will never changed. You always told me that you love me and even i don't utter the words, but it shows that I LOVE YOU TOO. SEE yah! I will be waiting, just dont make it too long (o_x).

This is me...

It’s been a while I am spending my life alone but not lonely. Being single is a gift I appreciate; you can do whatever you want, Travel, bar hopping, chit chat all night with friends, stay online all night, you can do whatever you want. But in one point or another I realized being single is tough, especially you are in the stage that friends is spending their time on their other half and family(whether its husband/wife or bf/gf thingy), of course we have our own priorities that’s why I can’t blame them. In my age right now, I sometimes ask myself, why I am still single? Eventually, as I studied life in my own little ways, I find some answer of my simple but yet complicated question (sound so redundant), wag kayo maki alam blog ko toh. As my journey continue, I realized that love is everywhere and love knock me 3 times but I always being shrug off by reality, that “my boy” is too nice or too stupid for me, or maybe “just maybe” the other way around Hahahahhaha. My heartbreaks also lead me to this singleness ever mode of mine. Masyadong maraming sakit nah cguro akong pinagdaan, which gives me enough idea to at least be scared sometimes in dealing with love ( ‘chang, you are not DARNA! Common!’). In my soul searching mode (may ganun!), I am a little positive this time. I will jot down my top list of bumpy and rocky side of me, that made “my boys-ex bf’s” run away from me.

Too Young But Too Old (TYBTO)- People kept telling me that I am still young but I acted and talked like 40 years old ( that’s sucks!). Maybe, trials, hardship mixed with experienced taught me a lot of things ( dinibdib ko ang lahat kaya).And I suffer so much and I always learn from my mistakes, I am not that stupid. 
Solution:
- Find someone who can deal with my insanity, I know his out there.

I am young but I achieved much -People are proud where I am right now. Since, I graduated secondary school I brought name for my school and family. I finish college with flying colors, at the age of 21- I am serving a company as a branch manager, and in the present time, I am enjoying my job while earning a compensation which is enjoyed usually by at least 26- above yrs old professionals. It’s not bad after all (I think), but honestly that made “my man” run away from me because they have this thing called “MALE PRIDE”.

I am not the usual girl- Fine! Fine! Fine! I get it! I am not your sexy booty girl in the street. I don’t have a body guys can be proud of; I don’t have the cutely little pink checks with blush on and make up all over the face or your Christine Reyes look a like that can break your eyes. But boys, I am just me and will always be me, hahahahhhaha I don’t care if you look at me as a girl who can punch guys noses if I want to, and can kick some ass if I am being pissed off by anybody. I don’t hell care if I am not wearing any make-up, that can give me pimples- why bother putting it on my face.

I am Ms. Quality Assurance- for a those “not usual girl” like me, we love this concept. We always want our boy to be “Mr.Good boy”. I know, I know! I am not saying Mr. Perfect dear, we just want guys to show us that we deserve to be inlove and be loved in return. Again, boys! We are not you slutty bitchy baby! We deserve to be respected, to be treated as your precious jewel and to be your good adviser when defects are being detected by our “not usual girl system”.

I am not writing this because I want to blow man away. I don’t want to be single for life- waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh wag naman po sana! I just want to at least recognize that this is me, but I am willing to compromise.  I am not on the thing they called professionally compatible, but I am more on “Masaya ako nah kasama ka” and ang mga nakakalokang linya na “kahit sino ka pa bastat mahal kita” – so cheesy! I don’t care kung may natapos kang bachelors degree sa isang university – anyway hindi naman ako bachelor degree holder,;wala rin akong paki kung hindi ka kasing talino ni Einstein; Hindi ko rin pangrap nah maging singyaman ka ni Bill Gates; hindi ko rin feel ang singbait ka ni “ST. Joseph” and lalong hindi ko ma atim ang makisama sa isang taong sing Yabang ni Carlos Agasi. Simple lang ang gusto ko, taong magmamahal nang tunay at totoo.Lalakiing handing iwan ang mundo maksama lang ako (kahit bah punta kami sa Pluto). Lalaking bubuo nang aking pagkatao. Ayaw ko rin nang magarbo at kung ano2x, gusto ko lang lalaking may puso at minsan maloko.At higit sa lahat lalaking gusto ko at gusto rin niya ako.