unexpected dream...

I am so tired from overtime work dahil sa super lapit nah naming UAT and production this coming November and December. My team is giving our extra effort just to deliver on time, though its just like a normal day to me, OT naman kasi ako parati "The build and runner girl" sabi nga nila, I know my team is counting on me. Just like my normal days I go home late, get my keys and open my little but loving house. I bought a new bed sheet so I render extra mile patience to at least change my beddings. I am too excited to go to sleep kasi naman yon nalang ang regalo ko sa self ko everyday. But before that, I send sms to my BF saying how much i love him and how much I miss him with all the wishes of goodnight. Then its time for me to go to sleep, I don't know why I am being affected with all my dreams pero nakakawindang lang kasi minsan. I dream about my Ex-bf mom, honestly di kami ganun ka close ni ex-mom but we talked naman....The dream goes like this...

" umuwi ako nang CDO for a short vacation, I don't know kung saan ang eksena but me and ex-mom encountered and siya talaga ang unang nakipag usap sa akin. She even ask me hows my life in makati and how's me. I was so touched about the motherly care she showed me and then we had our short chit-chat. In the middle of our conversation she asked apology for what had happen about me and her son. I was stunned and almost cried, bakit siya humingi nang apolgy? I don't even feel sorry about what had happen, maybe it was never meant to be. She even updates me about his son, and even told me that he is in manila to fetch her sister from Europe, then I woke up with a call from taweng then tears filled my eyes. "

I never expected myself or my eyes to respond that way. Maybe my heart says it all, honestly I wanted t talked to him every time I go home in CDO for a short vacation, but its not about getting together with him but I wanted to tell him that I am now doing good and I want to thank him for being a real man when we are together. We have our own individual mistakes but I learn from everything. Sa totoo lang I don't have the guts or even the courage to see him, kaya ko naman puntahan siya sa bahay nila or even sa work niya, I even know asan yong church nila. But hindi ko maggawa because of a lot of things; takot ako baka siya nah mismo ang ayaw akong makita and he will try to avoid me as much as possible,takot din akong may sasabihin siyang masasaktan lang ako, and takot ako sa magiging reaction niya kung makita niya ako. Takot akong masaktan ulit niya, takot nah takot ako dun. I know I much pain I suffered and I thank him for that, kahit naman ganun I appreciate it, I learn how to live when I suffered and die because of love. Cguro takot lang akong masaktan ulit, takot akong masaktan niya ako ulit to be specific. I appreciate the effort of my BF for the extra patience not to hurt me, minsan lang ako ang corny, you can't blame me, my fears is in every corner of my room. haayy naku buhay nga uu, may mga uncontrollable situations nga talaga, but things will be in place, I know... Maybe one day...