Just say so...

Love, in human terms, creates a feeling of oneness. A feeling that you are complete with a person, where before something was missing. Love creates a feeling of generosity and altruism, where we want to leave a positive mark on the world when we leave it (as well as while we are here.)

---If I could only get this heart of mine, and put the pieces on you palm, I will. I just want you to realized that it tears my heart apart every time you never give me enough reasons why should I "HOLD ON". I want you to be in my shoe for you to experienced that I'm going through hell because I'm freaking tired of all this dilemmas. I am being so uncertain of everything, did you really love me? Did you really mean everything you've said? Did you really love me more than a friend? I want you to utter words because your silence is killing me slowly. I'm getting crazy! The only fault I knew is that I was so in love with you and I never taught it will hurt me a lot. But you heard enough from me, you already knew whats running through my mind,you knew everything is not alright. Now, its time for you to ponder. You've cause so much pain but I am very much willing to undergo more pains with you but assure me by that time, you will never let go of this hand of mine coz if you will, I will never allow you to hold it back again.

Friendships on the other hand, do create many of the same opportunities for joy and happiness, but I don't believe it's on quite the same level of intensity as that of love.

---If you see me as a friend then let me know. I am very much willing to give it back to you. It will never be easy though we started as one, but I will tell you I will give my best just to regain the friendship we've treasured for years. Having you in my journey is a gift I will kept for the rest of my life-I can't afford to lost someone like you, and if friendship will let us be together in some way, I'll be happy to be back as one. I won't promise I won't cry, but I know someday I will get rid of the pain and learn to introduce myself again to be your "FRIEND".
JUST say so...

Is there's something....

A good friend of mine shares a link with me with this song that swak kaayo sa akong gibati karon. The lyrics strikes me to death(char lang) and I want to share it dri sa akong blog.

Lately
I see clouds of sorrow in your eyes
Some deep sadness you can never quite disguise
Now I'm scared to ask what it's leading to
But I'm more afraid of not asking you
Is there something that you want to tell me
Is there something that I ought to know
Are we something that's still worth fighting for
Or should I simply let you go
Is there something I can do to reach you
Are we something more than history
I'll find some way to convince you to stay
If you just tell me honestly
Is there something left of you and me

...I was too confident that I want to let him go, but every time his in front of me I can't utter words but instead I keep reminding him that I love him so...- I hate myself of being like this. I let myself run away from him but when I hear his voice, I run faster going back to him(duh). Every time I tried to avoid him in every way that I know, but his running through my mind-I hope his not tired of doing that(bang!).

You've got secrets you've been keeping for too long
And I'm going crazy acting like there's nothing wrong
I can taste the truth every time we kiss
And I can't go on
At least not like this

I don't want to lose you
But what's the use of holding on
I don't really have you
If the feeling's gone

Is there something I can do to reach you
Are we something more than history
If there's no way to convince you to stay
And be the way we used to be
Then there's something that I want to tell you
And I want you to believe it's true
We had something that I'll never forget
Even if I wanted to
'Cause part of me will always be with you...

....Should I simply let you go? Is there something worth holding on? Your giving me enough reasons to let you go.Please convince me to stay. It will really hurt me much if you let me run away but please let me stay. I know you are part of me and please lets be used to it. But if it will tear you pieces by pieces having me, then I will learn to let you go. I really don't want to lose you but there is something that we must both know... there's something .......

decide now or now nah talaga....

Once in your life have you been into a situation were you need to decide on something that you don't want to think at this moment of time??? ohhh! anyway maybe yes, maybe no... Let's rephrase the question, Is marriage a huge decision??? Considering my age at 22 is it too early to decide for this matter?? Honestly I got lots of plan for my life and it really drives me crazy thinking about this topic. Morning today I visited my doctor and have my check-up and clearance. My doctor is happy about my recovery, She even told me I look good and doing good. Its been an open book that a month ago I undergo a surgical operation because of ovarian cyst. When my doctor and I talked she again asked me even beg me to get married as early as possible, she honestly told me about the risk I have right now. She's giving me and my BF a short time to things over- about a month( I must undergo vaccine & pap smear test), as in 30 days. She even told me she can't recommend me to take pills or anything that could lead me not to bear a child. According to her it is ASAP as (AS SOON AS POSSIBLE)... After the test I must bear a child sooner not later...waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh....Is my BF ready for all the responsibilities?? Am I ready to be a mother?? Do I have capability to raise a child?? Actually it freaks me out thinking all of this, it is too early? But do I have a choice?? It really scares me to death but this is reality *gaga mode*...

I really don't know what to do.... Things puff up on my mind, kesyo bulagan nalang naku akong BF kaysa naman ma pressure siya ug lakip and I don't want him to be with me because I'm sick (HELL NO!).I know bothered pud siya karon nga time because of me... I want him and I want myself to think things over...Maybe month of break-up?-maybe this time we can have enough time to think. waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh IT REALLY DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! 911 RESCUE ME!!!

Call it a day Chang.....

It's too hard saying goodbye to someone sospecial.
While I'm doing this video my heart
is tearing apart. It was so painful that she will
be away from me... A person I considered a friend,
A friend I considered a sister, A sister I considered perfect!
When she slept with me last night I can still remember how
she hugs my hand so tight while I pretend sleeping and it hurts me so bad
We both know I close we are, and I don't know how to say farewell...
We will miss each other... that's for sure and she promise she will cry
If it hurts to much.I really don't know this will hurt me this much...
Why now? when I know I needed her badly...
I hope everything will fall into the right place
I know I'll recover with this pain...
Maybe not now, But I know someday..

Waiting For Someone Like You

Waiting For Someone Like You lyrics

After all the rain, and after all the pain
A brand new day is here for me to start
Your light feeds my soul it's shining in my heart
A brand new day is here for us to start


You and me together it's gonna be a harmony
You and me forever will always be a symphony
The lines says it all,
after all the relationship I have
Its time for me to start a new day with him
His the best melody I have right now

Refrain:
I've been waiting, waiting for so long
I've been longing, I've been hoping for you to come along
I finally found my song and it's you
I've been searching, I've been waiting for someone like you

I've been waiting for him to come along
I've search, I patiently wait
And now its over
I'm with him And his with me...

Many times I've failed fallen almost every time
You held my hand and dried my tears in my eyes
And everyday that passed were spent waiting for you
You saved this heart of mine with a love so true
Thoughts of us together brightens up my darkest days
Without your love I'm lost I couldn't find my way

I'm lost for quit sometime
I even scream for all the lonely nights
But time has already come
I'm yours, your mine

Bridge:
So hard to hope and wait for love
But I'd go through it all again
If I knew that it was you

If I'll fall in love again and again
It will be with him
Coz I've already fallin' a thousand times
And with the same man....it's him

Refrain:
I've been waiting, waiting for so long
I've been longing, I've been hoping for you to come along
I finally found my song and it's you
I've been searching, I've been waiting for someone like you

I've been waiting for so long
But its him all alone
The hand I always want to hold
And the love I don't want to let go
The man I dream at night...
The man I always fell in love with

It strikes me thousand times

If its me against her, who am I to fight back...
If she will be the one I am fighting with, I will surely lost the game
If she will be the person who will shut me with a gun on hand, I let myself die
If she will be the women who'll crashed me, I will allow everything to happen
dumped me! crashed me! betray me!knocked me down! criticize me!... Do whatever you want
If that could make you happy, I'll be the most coward girl if you are my opponent.
hurt me! judge me! hate me... If that could satisfy you...If that can give you new lease of life...
You want to ask me whose the women behind all this??? MY MOTHER....
A person whom I thought could take all my pains away
A person whom I consider my shining armor
A person whom I expect to support me in everything I do
A person whom I thought would love me the way I am
A person who curse me!
A person who abandoned me!
A person who told me she regret I was given life in this world
A person I thought the best
A person I thought for real
A person I can't deny
She's my mom, my mother ,my mama. A women every people expected to be loving, caring and willing to give everything for a child. I know she's not perfect, so do I...But if this is life can offer, with all my hearts I will take it as a reward. Gamay ra me naa anih nga situation and envy those people nga wala miagi anih. It hurts, a lot actually... Not even a bucket of tears could help me ease the pain . Not a single comedy movie could let me forget everything she said, not even a truck of ice cream can relieved me with pain. But mom I am not that strong, you know it in the first place (mom's knows best right?), but I will tell you "I will get used to it!".

Whatever it takes I'll pray for your happiness...

from
A lost daughter...

where's the good in goodbye

Pearl- "aloe" and I-"chang" are good friends sa ka close we have our friendship day and it is nov.8,2002. So if I'll count the years mag 7 years nami amiga...7 long years nga we shared life. For 7 years daghan na kaayo me ug gi agian. I cried when i know she's hurt, she always make me smile when I have my worst and bad days, she always encourage me when giving up is only my choice and its all worth a day when I am with her. She's a friend, a sister and a confidante of mine. Pearl and I share our every dreams and goals in life, we even laugh of all the unreachable aspirations we have but we keep each other believed that we can make it. Last Sept.2,2009 she visited me at home and gave me the pasalubong from manila- she was in manila for 2 weeks for some paper works. She told me everything and keep me posted about her life(though we seldom see each other we always make sure we keep each other posted). Part of her updates was a news, part of it is good but theirs always a bad side of everything. She told me she already passed the interview as immigrant in Boston USA. I was soooo glad she made it, I knew in the first place that it is her dream to be in BOSTON and help her family, but other side of me is sad because i'll be missing her when she leaves. Though I am very much happy for her I always keep thinking when will be the days we can spend our days together. Maybe this time i really need to accept the fact that life change, and we must moved on. Haaayyy tiguwang na jud diay me anih we need to face the hardship of life. We can't hang around same before, we can't telebabad on phone all night,text all night and we can't have our long chit chats . pero okey lang as long pearl is in my heart kaya na guro. We have our promise naman nah we will keep in touch... I'll be missing her for sure but this is what we want in our lives I must support her in every way that I can. I just want to assure her that even we are miles apart I'll keep her always as part of my identity I can never be who I am without an "ALOE" by my side... I really don't know where's the good in goodbye but I appreciate this goodbye coz it is not forever. I will see you soon pearl. I'll be waiting or should I say " see you in barcelona"- hahahahahah my dream place...

love you always and keep safe always...

I'll tell you who my friends are!

"Our most difficult task as a friend is to offer understanding when we don't understand. "

The are my gem that I'll be keeping forever.. One by one I will give you information of who they are and what they do to make me whole....

PEARL & CHANG (peacha! sounds like pecha!pecha!)
I really can't imagine how the two of us became friends, basta alam ko she was my high school bud tapos di namin alam we spend time together nah,we laugh together, we cry together, we sing together and we fight together. A friend I considered a sister, a lot of people know how we rock the world with our tandem. When we are in each others side we always felt that we owned the world.. hahahaha. But honestly I really appreciate pearl kasi alam niya when I got problems and she knows how to make me calm. She knows when to tap my shoulders when I needed it most. She knows how to cheer me up even if it's a worst day. She cries with me when I can't get rid of the pain and she smiles with me when she knows I am happy. Though for all the years had past we change and the long talks is over, we really keep each other as part of our success and we promise to keep the friendship for life.
"PEARL IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST..."


CHANG & JV

aahhh si JV the crying baby.. hehheehehe she's one the soft spoken friend I have. Her simplicity really drive guys crazy hahahahha.. JV is a girl with good heart she always kill me with that, once I've done something wrong she will never make arguements with me but instead she'll kill me with her kindness(didto dayon ko niya mapilde.. hehehehe)... When she see me that life is not on my side and world is too heavy to carry, she keep silent lang-ssshh and I hate her of doing that because I know her words can make me feel better, pero honestly I know she cares and she love me so much maybe she really don't know how to approach me...What I like most about her is she got a humble and patient heart- she taught how to be like hers (maski gamay)... wahahhahaha(ambisyon)... She's one of my textmate,chatmate,plurk buddy, ka friendster, kaberks,katropa and lahat nang kakahan sa buhay.. hahahhahaha..
"JV IS MY BEST COMRADE"

AISA & CHANG
AISA??? shocks!! the person who rocks my world.... as in!!! grabeh nah nga bata bai if you really want someone who can let you smile to the highest level make her one of your friends( I'm lucky nakauna ko sa inyo)... She's a loud,funny and crazy brat girl you'll ever meet in this crowded world...Puro lang kabuang, kabalbalan, kalokohan, kagagahan and kakulitan ang gakabal-an niya. But naa japun ni cya serious side sometimes i can't fathom how profound she is.. We are both geminis busa magkasinabot ming duha. Game sa tanan namong laag ug tanan namong kabuang. She's the only girl that can makes us laugh our heart out for her undying jokes...basta to sum her up..
"SHE'S MY FUNNY CRONY AISA"



RUTTY& CHANG
My ever beloved rutty... She's probably one of the maarte's kabarka I got, hindi naman masyado maarte pero she's soo feminine. But rutty is the sweetest... usahay lang OA nah hahahaha (peace rut). I really appreciate her effort eveytime we need her most. As in limtan nah niya iyang sked just to be on your side or you need a helping hand. I really admire how thoughtful she is and how she handles a good heart. Si rutty ang klase nah friend nga isang text kalang andyan nah siya. She really don't know how she makes me feel so relieved when she slept with me when I'm at home suffering from pain-thanks rut for being with me.. mwahugs...
"SHE'S MY SOLICITOUS RUTTY"


AILYN & CHANG
AILYN HAGUTIN a pal I always call up anytime of the day. Game ni maski pa alas tres sa kadlawon just to be with you. A very open minded girl with so much fun to be with. Maghubog2x kami mag uban anih, mag videoke kami ra duha, magkaon ug balot, mag star mart,mag red horse hahahahaha.... ailyn is a mature thinker girlalo, she knows how to respond with your doubts and fears. Sensitive,thoughful,caring and loving girl thats why her baby is crazy inlove with her.. hahahahahha
"AILYN THE BEST ALLY"




JOJO & CHANG
Jozefy is my roomate way back. Later we became friends tapos ayon naging close friends nah, shes one of the putot freinds i have- peace jo, though she's small but she's really terrible. Jojo is a moody gurl sooo moody kaya nga we really don't hang around kasi medyo lukarit utak nang babaeng ito but even though ganun utak niya I still consider her as one of the best.
"SHE'S MY CERTIFIED BACKER"



HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS

My high school buddies, I can't name them one by one pero they are my pain relievers. Though seldom ang bonding together but they are treausred as precious diamonds. Old friends but never gone wasted. Ingon pa sa akong isa ka barkada, "minsan man ang sama2x basta completo ang barkada masaya ang resulta". I really appreciate the friendship I've shared sa mga old friends ko, though we seldom see each other pero I know I can always count on them.
"MY amīcus"