YEHEY DAY....

"Yehey day" that can possibly described my Dec 2009 long vacation(dec 24-27) . Dec 21 palang I go out with friends, kumain sa isang resto na malapit sa office namin and dining with my gf's is always a memory cherished by me. dec.22 when 2 good friends join me sa videoke session, spending 2 hours singing our hearts out is a relief. We spend an hour eating ice cream sa C7 hahaaaha stress reliever kasi namin yon. dec 23 when my high school buddies texted me and see each other hinintay ako until I log out sa work (brat buddies kayo) hahahhaha. We stroll around sa mall and we keep smiling everytime we reminisce our past experiences. Later that day someone invited me to join her to watch a"avatar"- a very cool and amazing movie. It was never been planned but my other girl friends join us and my bf also join the said "movie session", that was fun guys. Dec 24 to 25 x'mas eve for christians, I woke up late because of the movie session and no work(i always woke up late basta wala work), hehehehhe. But I promise my family that I will cook and buy some food for us to gather and celebrate. So my family and relatives gather on that night, gift giving and warm kisses is given to everyone. Later that night my highschool buddies fetch me up sa house so that we can visit our friend who celebrated bday on 24th of dec. It was 1:00am when we started to see each other and we are awake until 8:00 am waaaaaaahh grabeh super hyper friends ko, wheewww but honestly i really enjoy the bonding session. dec 25, I spend almost whole day and night sleeping because of the exhausted night I suffered hahahaha... Dec 26, high school friends gathering.. wheewww early mowing palang busy na masyado for the preparation for the venue and other stuff. grabeh super duper and init but when night comes and its our time to party wooowww the result is all worth it. grabeh yong feeling of fulfillment namin when we see our friends and old high school buddies nah tumatawa and keep laughing every time we remember our old days... wahahahhaha it was 4:30 am when I got home exhausted but happy... hahahaahhaha so dec 27, whole day natulog and rest lang... New Years day is coming soon I am so excited kung ano na naman gagawin namin this time, I hope its another day to cherish.

Goodbye 2009, and welcome 2010

I love shoes

I don't know when was the time I started collecting rubber shoes. As far as I know I have more than 100 pairs of rubbers shoes at home, and iba hindi ko nah kinuha sa house namin. I will take snapshots sa mga shoes ko later, but this one na meron ako yong latest. Though I do have some shoes na expensive meron na mang mumurahin. I just really love seeing shoes na nakaparada sa sa house namin. Yong collection ko is binibigay sa akin as gifts, package from U.S, binibili ni mama, and binili ko from my pocket. hindi ko nalang namalayan habang tumatagal dumadami sila, but the happy part is that dami ko na rin palang nabigay sa ibang tao. wheewww! I can see my shoes kahit gutay nah gutay nah ginagamit pa kasi it is given daw, may sentimental value. This will be my gift for my self, a shoes worth 200.00 which i brought somewhere. Di naman ganun kaganda but honestly I like it. hehehehe 2009 gift ko toh sa self ko di ko kasi mabili gusto ko as for now medyo tipid sa budget, pero again this gift is worth naman kahit hindi ganun kamahal, wala naman yon sa price eh nasa nagdadala...

2010 here I come.. wahahahha

2010 would be a challenging year for me. I called it " Judgement Year". 2010 will be a tough year, I decided to quit my job on 1st quarter next year, hahahaha I know I am giving up a very nice and well compensated job but I just want to take risk and grow-up, watta tough girl I am. Anyway I am happy with the decision I made and I know it's not easy, hunting new job again and finding life again outside my territory... hahahaha... But I am too positive about the outcome of my desicion (feeler kaayo ko) hehehehe,bahala nah. I realized nga I need to moved on and grow as individual, medyo bored napud ko sa akong work here sa office, I want a challenging career and the management is giving me a lot of excuses which leads me to boredom.. hahahaha Anyway I got my project base job starting January, it will be a temporary job for me while hunting new job... heheehehehe I wish next year will be a nice year for me. Though daghan kaayo magchange next year but I know the bond,love and care sa mga tao surrounds me will never change but it will go beyond my expectations (char!)... I am excited next year but a little bit scared but life is what we make it, so I must go for it... hehehehehehe

I will welcome 2010 with a happy heart, I hope everybody will keep on supporting me in every way, and I hope myles will be my side always while I am reaching the ladder of success, wow positive! hahahahhaha Advance happy new Year Guys, and keep smiling....

(--;)

suntok sa buwan

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door"

~Milton Berle

It was tueday dec. 1 when i recieved an email coming from somebody, I thought isang simpleng forward na email lang. It's an email coming from ventureslink Inc. a questionaire nah dapat sagutan ko within 48 hours. As I understood sa email na nabasa ko ginawa ko yong gusto nila, I answer the questionaire and send back the email nakakatawang part nga lang is that i reply to all kaya nabasa nang iba ang sagot ko. hahhahaha anyway after that wednesday i recieved a call at sabi pupunta ako nang manila for a training good for 2 days, watta d hek! hahahaha medyo rush yong sked but anyway I still manage to say "yES I will join the training". Thursdays when I flew to manila para sa hindi ko maisip na rason hahahahahha the agreement is that I will be trained as a technical training consultant- infairness bongga ang position, lol. Well, with this decision I know my current job is at stake, kasi ventures and I agreed that I must be on leave 30-45 days for my task if I'll get hired. I was thingking pwede ko pang ibagsak ang training if gusto ko lang gumala sa manila ( devil smile) but to make the story short sorry guys pero nabigo ko kayo, I pass the exams with glitters pah hahahaha. The experienced is so much fun, I met lots of friends, and I learn to laugh,live and cry with them even in a short period of time. Though I am on process to ask permission with my current company, I hope they will allow me to do such thing 2 jobs at the same time.. haahahahha pero kung di man nila ako pagbibigyan, well I think di ko rin pagsisihan decision ko for joining the 2010 automated election and be part of Philippine History.waaawww!!! 4,000 professionals took the exams and wishes to be part of the company but only 500 of us passed and become "certified trainers" for the election, so opportunity nga siya kung matuturing (suntok sa buwan)... The sweldo is kinda shocking but well magpapa inom ako sa unang sweldo ko.. hahahahaha anyway wish me luck next year para sa success nang project where I am connected... I'm sooo excited & I just can't hide it... haahahahahaha

with tristan sa lobby nang bay view hotel in roxas boulevard

with my batchmates in group study.... exams na namin kinabukasan

sa TIMES Plaza @ smartmatic office break time namin...

from left miles,me(at the back), nico,tsistan(at the back), & robert

me, miles,cielo,nico nasa pantry kakatapos lang kumain nang merienda

The greatest love of all

Time swept so fast I can't even imagine I am spending my 22 years,5 months and 15 days living in this chaotic world. In 22 years I can count using my fingers how long I stayed with my family. I never stayed at home for long, I grow up living life with other peoples house which became my own home. Too sad to admit but as they say "truth really hurts" and yes it is. I grow up with the love and care of my aunt(I call her "mama" even it hesitate me to called her that way). But life is always unfair,it will never be fair anyway because she past away when I was 12 years old. That's one of the toughest days of my life, letting go of someone whom you really loved and cared for. Life must move on and it's not easy, since then my growing up years is miserable and being change by just a single truth "she's not with us anymore". Days become harder and harder, but I ended my elementary with honors but I don't have her to offer all my achievements, but my biological mom was their supporting me in anyway that she can. Here comes high school, again finish with flying colors and with all the praises coming from different people but I never got the chance to thank her for everything she brought into my life. I just wanted her to know she was the best aunt I got in this entire galaxy. College years seems so hard, I push my self to limit working for my school expenses-thanks for my scholarship that pays my college tuition fee. So at last I finish again with pride and glory. In every prices I received I kept looking for her, I just really want to say "thank you for everything". But everything is an illusion of her, everything is a dream, everything is a wish. At some point when my heart feels heavy and down,I know she cared. I can always feel her touch, her kiss every now and then. Let me say thank you for giving me the hugs last night that made me sleep even it's too hard for me to do so-i know your there every time I find my self with a weary heart. Ma, I can always feel you are around, you are in my friends loving voice, you are in nephews powerful hug, you are in my myles loving kiss, your smile is living in mama gigil's face, your authoritative look lives with papas face, and your love lives within me. Now I realized life was never been that lonely, your love is in every person I cared about, I was to weak to appreciate things and too young to accept your lonely goodbye,but you never leaved me, YOU LIVED IN ME. Again I just want to say THANKS for making me who I am, and I want you to know I celebrate my birthday with a happy heart, I can't recall how long a celebrated my birthday with secluded heart. Anyway I always sang your song,this line makes me cry " Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all" but don't worry little by little I am trying to love a little bit of me. This will never be my goodbye because I can't utter this word, but this is a new battle but with a courageous heart of a young women who will never give up life until earth put an end to it. I love you so much and I will never miss you since now coz I know your just around (winks). See you when it's our time to meet again.

Best love stories deserve second chances

Whatever people may say but I am happy having him again in my life. He is not perfect I know, he was never been ideal, he is insecure, he just want a simple life,but do i have a choice? I just do love him for what he had and for who he is and nothing can change that. I already written everything in my blog and you know how miserable my life when his not mine, my life is totally dark and it's hard to wake up every morning knowing that his not mine.People mess up sometimes and yes I do. When we broke up for quite sometime I ask the wind to whisper the answer if it's alright to let him go?, but I never get an answer. Instead I kept missing him everyday of life and that's the hardest days of 22 years of my existence. When I swallow my pride to talked to him even beg him to give me chance to hear his explanations he was too weak to refuse such favor coming from me. When he arrived with teary eyed, strong voice asking me "unsa man atong estoryahan?" I never heard him with that voice and silently I was hurt. When we started to talked with some issues theirs a point that I ask him "What's really wrong? unsay kulang? dili na taka masabtan" he keep silent for about 10-15 minutes and it really tears my heart apart (his silence hurt me that much). But eventually when he said "Lisod kaayo mag adjust sa imo myles..." with tears all over his eyes and his sobbing while saying those words. I really can't imagine how it hurts me, feeling sorry for everything. He was totally down while holding my hands and keep saying all the words I wanted to hear. By then, I realized that his life is miserable without me, and he suffered too much because I'm not by his side.I never saw him so down like that and it hurts me so bad seeing the man I love suffering pain because of me. I am sorry really sorry for what had happen.Both sides are totally forgiven and we admit the fact that we're getting crazy if will run away with each other. I really miss the whole him, and he told me he misses me also. To make the story short we're back in each others arms again, (happiness)... and we promise to try our best to make it forever. We are looking forward for that day to come and I know it will be soon. We can't wait to spend our whole life together. Surprises really come when you less expect it. But no matter what life offers me, having him is always worth the fight... Thanks to my friends for the support and understanding you render when you know I needed you most. Luv you guys and I will always do... Now I know that the best love stories deserve second chances and yes it is folks!

~changmyles~

Sadyang kay hirap....

Sa araw2x nalang, simula nang ikaw lumayo.

Pinilit ko at sinikap, nagmakawa,nagsumamo

lumuhod may kulang, umiyak mang parang temang

Sadyang kay hirap kalimutan pag ibig na iyong sinimulan

Paglisan mo'y sadyang kay hirap

Paglimot sa iyo ay ganun bah ka saklap.

And hirap mahal and hirap hirap

Sadyang puso koy ikaw pa rin ang hanap

Ngunit ang madilim na araw koy magliliwanag din

Paglimot sa iyo ay makakamtan ko rin

Nadapa man ako kahapon,bukas, ngayon

Mahal tandaan mo ako rin ay babangon...

Puso ko may sugatan at sadyang wasak

Hahayaan kung pagdusaan ang lahat

Hahamakin ko ang mundo at makikipaglaban

At isang araw ikaw ay aking kakalimutan.

Sinobok na ako nang tadhana

Hinamon na ako sa buhay ni bathala

Ngunit buhay man ay nasadlak sa pagsudurusa

Lilimutin kita,kahit mahirap harapin ang umaga.

PLEASE MAKE HIM COME BACK HOME...

Back Home

MYMP

How can I stand the day alone

I recall the times when our love was thrown

And how will I get through the day

My tears are falling down

Remembering the words you said

Tell me that our love won’t fade away

[chorus]

Can anybody tell me how a perfect love went wrong

Can anybody heal my heart and mend my broken soul

If there’s someone who can count my tears and all my sorrow

Oh please make him come back home

You promised a lifetime of love that will never fade

Until the day the sun no longer shines

But you’ve let my heart died

You left me all alone I’m grieving now

Coz you found someone new

Tell me this is not a game you play

[repeat chorus]

I don’t wanna go on without

No more sleepless nights because of you

Hold me tight don’t ever let me go

Don’t let me go

[repeat chorus]

Read the lyrics and I hope you will try to understand....

I'm just a lonely girl in this crowded world

If dying will take all my pains away- please take me!

A day is always a torture for me, a day without you seems the most miserable day of my entire life. It's always a long day for me & it's always a tiring day coz you keep running though my mind. I wish I hug him more, for me not to miss him like this. I wish I said enough for him to know I love him so much. I wish I assure him that I was so madly in love with him. I wish I am strong enough to let you go. I wish I am brave enough to face everything. Damn! I love him and it hurts like hell. When will thing ends? Please make it sooner... Please! I'm begging,with head down and on bended knees,please make it soon...

Paalam...

PAALAM

Sakit may di malimot

Puso may puno nang kirot

Isip may lito at gulong gulo

mahal tanong ko paano? paano na ako?

Isipin ko mang mabuti

Hindi ko pa rin malagay sa aking kukuti

Pagmamahal koy nilimot muna...

bakas bah nang kahapon ay burado nah...

hilingin ko man sa mga diwata

lumuhod man ako kay bathala

tawagin ko man lahat nang dyosa

pakiusapan ko man lahat nang pwersa

Hihingin ko sana "ikaw pa sinta"'

Unan ko man sa gabi ay basa

pagluha koy hindi man mawala

Di ko pa rin malimot,mahal pa rin kita

Ipagsigawan man sa mundo sinta...

Ngunit kamay moy di ko nah maabot

Pagmamahal ko sa iyo ay nilimot

Mukha moy di ko nah mahaplos

luha hirang ang iyong idinulot

Limutin man kitay sadyang kay hirap

Pagmamahal mo may aking hanap

Pusot isip man ikaw ang laman

Ayaw ko man sabihin ang salita hirang

Ngunit mahal "PAALAM"...

Pangako lilimutin kita...

Paano ko maiiwasang hindi pumatak luha sa mga aking mata?

Paano ko sasabihing "okey" ang lahat kahit siya ang gustong kasama?

Bakit kay hirap sabihing "kami'y wala na"...

Bakit kay damot nang tadhana...

Hindi pa bah sapat ang ilang araw kung pagluha?

Taon bah para malimot ka?

Sobrang sakit na, at hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pa...

Kailan bah huhupa ang sakit na aking nadarama?

Inakala kung ikaw ang buhay ko...

At ako rin bubuo nang pagkatao mo...

Mahal nagkamali ba ako?

At ito ngayon sawi at bigo sa pag ibig mo...

Kailan mo tatapusin ang lahat bathala??

Kailan ko sasabihing tanggap ko nah ??

Kailan ko malalamang siya'y limot ko nah?

Kailan ko iiwan ang bakas nang kahapong puno ng saya?

Lumuha may kulang,

paglimot may hirap aking hirang...

Sakit man ang naging sukli sa pag ibig kong wagas

Hayaan mo't magwawakas din ang lahat...

Minutong nasasaktan ako,

Secondong dumurugo puso ko,

Sa bawat patak nang luha ko,

At sa bawat araw nang sakit dala nang pag ibig mo

Bibilangin ko ang taon, kahit pa ilang siglo...

Malilimot kita, at yan ay pinapangako ko....

No one will understand...

People keep saying they understand, but honestly they will never understand. They will never understand coz they never been in your shoe. They don't understand coz they are not here,where I am standing at. You don't understand coz you have a family you can run and share your burdens with. You have your mom who will love you whoever and whatever you are.A mom who will took good care of you when you are sick. A mom who will give a hand when you needed her most. A mom who will dry your tears if your crying. You people will never understand coz you have your dad who will teach you whats right and wrong. A dad who will protect you in every danger, in every situation. A dad who is willing to took good care of the heart of yours coz he knew it is fragile. A dad who will give you advice when you wanted one.YOU PEOPLE DO HAVE A GIFT CALLED FAMILY. Look at me?? Do I have something?? I can never lost anything coz I don't have something-WALA NAY MAWALA SA AKO! Sorry if I am being rude again but I just want to share all my disappointments in life. I look so brilliant in front of you- Happy go lucky,career woman, some may say "YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO HAVE IN LIFE".Did you hear all you voices guys??? Did you hear all the words you say??? Honestly I don't need you to understand I just want you to be there.Enough for me to gain strength.Enough to overcome my daily task. Enough to continue life. Enough to have reasons to move forward. Even YOU whose reading this will be enough for me not to get tired to discover life over and over. A touch is very much appreciated, a hug can complete my day & a dinner can give me goodnight sleep, even your voice will make me strong- enough to face everything. Fighting is my mastery but this time please just be with me even I know its too hard for me to conquer the battle. Too hard :'(...

Again I don't want you to understand coz you never will, I just want you to be there and be a friend that would be enough.

People please STOP!

Why people keep asking "Hey chang wer's your boyfriend???" can I tell them "hey guys next question please" your freaking me out...Alangan man lugar noh with smile on your face saying " hey people we just broke-up are you happy now?? damn it!" Greer I hate the feeling nga people is looking for him- did he give a damn thinking about me??? heller common guys nothing is constant. If only I could admit the fact, but its too painful, sh*t! This coming days will be so much fun-hahahhaha coz people will keep asking me with this same question...paksy*t! But do I have a choice??? Haaayyyy pwede 2 years after na dayon just like sa movies "2 years after" so that people change, people WILL not be used to see him with me, people will stop asking about us, people will stop saying "hey chang okey rah nah you'll get over him", every party they stop asking "oh aha man imong uyab? Is he coming?", and people will stop saying I understand though WALA, people will stop asking "why so sudden? you look good together "sayang""... If only I could have one wish, just one wish. I rather wished that I could not feel this pain over and over again,this wish will lead me not to reminisce the sad part only the happy and most memorable one.It really hurt swear and I really don't have any idea how to start a new day again. Again as for now I don't know how, but I will regain all my strength to start a new life but this time "ALONE". Allow me to write everything in here so that one day I will laugh of every words and feelings I have for him and I hope that day is sooner than ever. I'm having hard time coping things up. And my eyes are tired crying for the same reason. One day I will let him know that he drag me to hell but theres always a heaven in every person holding my hand- and they are to many to be conquered by you...

I WILL GET USED WITH THIS PAIN!!! I KNOW I WILL!

NOW WHAT???

Tormenting days, hours of misery, every minute is a torture and every seconds is an agony. Love is totally b*llsh*t!!! Love takes my pride. Love leaves me the pieces of a my heart totally broken and damage.Yeah right guys! allow me to give out all the sh*t in this blog..Maybe this can help me...

Just today I end up everything.I kept wondering, NOW WHAT???!!!

How can I face tomorrow, now that I know that I can't see his smile again...

How can I start all my plans, now that I know his part of everything I dream about...

How can I go to bed and have a goodnight sleep, if it's his face I keep seeing every time I close my eyes..

How can I woke up every morning, if I keep waking up with a wet pillow by side...

How can I sing a song, if all my songs are intended for him...

How can I hold others hand, if it's his hand that fits mine...

How can I stop crying all night, even I know his not worth the tears in my eye.

How can I plan for my future, if I keep seeing the future with him by my side...

When will be the time I'll stop longing for him...?

When will be the time I'll stop loving him...?

When will be the time he will vanish in my memory...?

When will be the time I'll forget everything we had...?

When will be the time that I wont miss him this much...?

When will be the time I will see the brighter side even his not mine...?

When will I the time I can tell him that I was happy for him...?

When will be the time I'll stop hurting this much....?

When will be the time I'll learn to let go...?

When will be the time I'll learn to live life without his face flashing every second of the day...?

Why so sudden my love??

Why you fall out of love??

Why I keep bleeding every time we're apart?

Why I keep crying every time I close my eyes?

Why can't we work this out?

Why I believed in every words you have?

Why did I long for your hugs?

Why did it happened to us....?

Why now my love?

Damn!!! Love why do this to me??? I used patience, even I'm not used to it...

I swallow my pride, even I know it's out of my league... I was so hopeful even

I know the only choice I know is "let go". I was so damn stupid looking forward

that he will love me the way I wanted to be loved.I thought that was forever, I thought that was for real. I thought fairy tales do come true. I wish I can turn back time, and choose not to love him instead...It hurts a lot, and it's freaking hell,loving him. I hope one day I will learn to let go of everything. Just give me enough time. MY*** I wont promise that it will be soon but I promise one day, I learn to smile again and learn to pick up the pieces once more...

Just say so...

Love, in human terms, creates a feeling of oneness. A feeling that you are complete with a person, where before something was missing. Love creates a feeling of generosity and altruism, where we want to leave a positive mark on the world when we leave it (as well as while we are here.)

---If I could only get this heart of mine, and put the pieces on you palm, I will. I just want you to realized that it tears my heart apart every time you never give me enough reasons why should I "HOLD ON". I want you to be in my shoe for you to experienced that I'm going through hell because I'm freaking tired of all this dilemmas. I am being so uncertain of everything, did you really love me? Did you really mean everything you've said? Did you really love me more than a friend? I want you to utter words because your silence is killing me slowly. I'm getting crazy! The only fault I knew is that I was so in love with you and I never taught it will hurt me a lot. But you heard enough from me, you already knew whats running through my mind,you knew everything is not alright. Now, its time for you to ponder. You've cause so much pain but I am very much willing to undergo more pains with you but assure me by that time, you will never let go of this hand of mine coz if you will, I will never allow you to hold it back again.

Friendships on the other hand, do create many of the same opportunities for joy and happiness, but I don't believe it's on quite the same level of intensity as that of love.

---If you see me as a friend then let me know. I am very much willing to give it back to you. It will never be easy though we started as one, but I will tell you I will give my best just to regain the friendship we've treasured for years. Having you in my journey is a gift I will kept for the rest of my life-I can't afford to lost someone like you, and if friendship will let us be together in some way, I'll be happy to be back as one. I won't promise I won't cry, but I know someday I will get rid of the pain and learn to introduce myself again to be your "FRIEND".
JUST say so...

Is there's something....

A good friend of mine shares a link with me with this song that swak kaayo sa akong gibati karon. The lyrics strikes me to death(char lang) and I want to share it dri sa akong blog.

Lately
I see clouds of sorrow in your eyes
Some deep sadness you can never quite disguise
Now I'm scared to ask what it's leading to
But I'm more afraid of not asking you
Is there something that you want to tell me
Is there something that I ought to know
Are we something that's still worth fighting for
Or should I simply let you go
Is there something I can do to reach you
Are we something more than history
I'll find some way to convince you to stay
If you just tell me honestly
Is there something left of you and me

...I was too confident that I want to let him go, but every time his in front of me I can't utter words but instead I keep reminding him that I love him so...- I hate myself of being like this. I let myself run away from him but when I hear his voice, I run faster going back to him(duh). Every time I tried to avoid him in every way that I know, but his running through my mind-I hope his not tired of doing that(bang!).

You've got secrets you've been keeping for too long
And I'm going crazy acting like there's nothing wrong
I can taste the truth every time we kiss
And I can't go on
At least not like this

I don't want to lose you
But what's the use of holding on
I don't really have you
If the feeling's gone

Is there something I can do to reach you
Are we something more than history
If there's no way to convince you to stay
And be the way we used to be
Then there's something that I want to tell you
And I want you to believe it's true
We had something that I'll never forget
Even if I wanted to
'Cause part of me will always be with you...

....Should I simply let you go? Is there something worth holding on? Your giving me enough reasons to let you go.Please convince me to stay. It will really hurt me much if you let me run away but please let me stay. I know you are part of me and please lets be used to it. But if it will tear you pieces by pieces having me, then I will learn to let you go. I really don't want to lose you but there is something that we must both know... there's something .......

decide now or now nah talaga....

Once in your life have you been into a situation were you need to decide on something that you don't want to think at this moment of time??? ohhh! anyway maybe yes, maybe no... Let's rephrase the question, Is marriage a huge decision??? Considering my age at 22 is it too early to decide for this matter?? Honestly I got lots of plan for my life and it really drives me crazy thinking about this topic. Morning today I visited my doctor and have my check-up and clearance. My doctor is happy about my recovery, She even told me I look good and doing good. Its been an open book that a month ago I undergo a surgical operation because of ovarian cyst. When my doctor and I talked she again asked me even beg me to get married as early as possible, she honestly told me about the risk I have right now. She's giving me and my BF a short time to things over- about a month( I must undergo vaccine & pap smear test), as in 30 days. She even told me she can't recommend me to take pills or anything that could lead me not to bear a child. According to her it is ASAP as (AS SOON AS POSSIBLE)... After the test I must bear a child sooner not later...waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh....Is my BF ready for all the responsibilities?? Am I ready to be a mother?? Do I have capability to raise a child?? Actually it freaks me out thinking all of this, it is too early? But do I have a choice?? It really scares me to death but this is reality *gaga mode*...

I really don't know what to do.... Things puff up on my mind, kesyo bulagan nalang naku akong BF kaysa naman ma pressure siya ug lakip and I don't want him to be with me because I'm sick (HELL NO!).I know bothered pud siya karon nga time because of me... I want him and I want myself to think things over...Maybe month of break-up?-maybe this time we can have enough time to think. waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh IT REALLY DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! 911 RESCUE ME!!!

Call it a day Chang.....

It's too hard saying goodbye to someone sospecial.
While I'm doing this video my heart
is tearing apart. It was so painful that she will
be away from me... A person I considered a friend,
A friend I considered a sister, A sister I considered perfect!
When she slept with me last night I can still remember how
she hugs my hand so tight while I pretend sleeping and it hurts me so bad
We both know I close we are, and I don't know how to say farewell...
We will miss each other... that's for sure and she promise she will cry
If it hurts to much.I really don't know this will hurt me this much...
Why now? when I know I needed her badly...
I hope everything will fall into the right place
I know I'll recover with this pain...
Maybe not now, But I know someday..